Let me try and explain something best I can. First and for most, I didn't ask for cancer to enter my life, and I sure in hell didn't know it was coming. I had been having some issues for over 7 years with just tumors, each time I went thru what I had to do, and I got back on my feet, sometimes able to work thru it with lil to no problem.
This time, I was in remission I was supposed to be doing fine. I was working as normal, and we were busy as all hell with SDS. I did not do all the cast work, but I did most of it. We had set amount of capital come in, and I had a huge over head. I paid a full time sculptor, I had a small studio, that was not cheap, i had an employee who I paid to do the cast work I was not. So long and short i had Bills for SDS.
We had a huge problem with shipping, and more then 1 or 2 times, did a shit load of packages get messed up. I cant control that as well. What happens once in the hands of the post office, well its just that. I dont need to lie or make up a story on what happens, I can only give what i know as a reason. if i fucked up and it was just my mistake, I owned that.
Excuses are just that, reasons however are tad different. I didnt send out 20 or 30 or 100 orders a week, we sent out 300 to 400 orders when we shipped.
After molds are shot and orders are sent, if there is a problem, lost or broken order, I then have to remake the molds and recast. All while i start the next phase of our operation. I spent more time on slayer then anything in my life.
Now when the bombshell hit, it rocked me. I started out with small bouts of memory loss, headaches and just not feeling well. when The C bomb was at its worse, it put me in the hospital, and treatment was started right away.
I had a few times I thought and i would post that i was getting better, and then not the case. Chemo reacts different to us all, and each time exposed it may react different, which was the case. I had already paid all my over head, bought my supplys and began work, when everything stopped.
Would I really go out of my way to post on boards all over the place, pay for sponsorships, give parts a s prizes to folks, and try and help fill a void with original parts, just to fade away and hope no one would notice. I wouldn't, I have been trying for 7 years to find the right balance to bring original parts to the community, all while having a life ,another job, and being a care taker to my parents.
I dealt with depression like you wouldn't even believe, I wanted so bad to just eat a bullet and be done, i didn't have the fight in me this time. And it proved to be true, my body didn't have the fight for me to go on like nothing was wrong, or something was and I could ignore it. I could not , it consumed my whole life.
The biggest part of what I am going thru know is the financial . Its killed my family business as well, and now its time to just hold my head as high as I can and try and get back to normal.
You dont survive something like this just to be normal over nite, it takes time. Not something I like to do, I like to try and make everything work and get things done.
For folks that know me on a personal level, know I am a very giving person, hell i did trades where I just gave shit to folks. When slayer-con was a go, i gave parts for less then half the price . It was never about the making of the money it was about supplying the community.
I failed at that, I get it, I owe and its wrong how things went down. I didn't know i was going to get the cancer back, I didn't know it would take over the whole side of my skull and my eye. it just did.
Do I need to say sorry i got sick and let everybody down, I don't think I do. I wouldn't ask that of somebody, I wouldn't kick somebody while there down. Could I have posted more, Yes. Should i have posted more, Yes. but honestly to some no matter what I would have said would have made no difference.
I am not gone, I am back, and I am working on things, how long and when I will be caught up, I don't know, but I will continue to post updates.
Not sure what else I can say, and not sure what else needs to be said. I have been Honest and put more of my life out there ,then I wanted to .
Vent, I get that....keep doing it, it doesnt always help to get things done any quicker. some things are bigger and out of hands more then others.
Dave